Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
