you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
