I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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