I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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