1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
