I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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