so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
