my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
