Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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