yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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