Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
