I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
