Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
