you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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