I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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