need another drink. this is the easiest way
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
