I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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