I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
