If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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