You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
