i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
