i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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