made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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