So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
