Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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