I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
