No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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