He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
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So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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