Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
