so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
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Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
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I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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