I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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