if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
