Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
