Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
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I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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