The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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