So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
