Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
