You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
