Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
