When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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