When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
