I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
