I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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