i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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