Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
