i need an iv and a liver transplant
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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