It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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