fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
