His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
