And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
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We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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