Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Send help, water and tortillas.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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