The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
