After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
