careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
