why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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