I have demons in me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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