i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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