I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
