haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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