do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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