ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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