Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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