Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
