it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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