My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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