is your mom at the bar?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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