Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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