Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
