saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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