Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
