we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All the doctor said was why
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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