I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
