five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
