im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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